Pour me, Pour me, Pour me a drink….

It’s back….or maybe it never went away in the first place, perhaps I just buried it alive somewhere in my psyche and now it’s re-surfacing.

I find myself feeling so desperately alone.   My man left, but even before he did.   Lately it felt like he was a million miles away even while he was in the very same room .

I sometimes wonder if I am cursed.  I have entertained that notion many times.  Did I rape and pillage an entire town in some past life to deserve this kind of bad karma?

Am I some sort of devil spawn and not a child of God?

If I am a child of God, why does He permit me this continual emotional pain?

Did I somehow sign up for this shit in some cosmic time warp? and not read the fucked-up time warp fine print?

I wish this ache in me would go away.  Death seems inviting when the pain reaches this high.