I’m a Fucking Marketing Dream

It occurred to me the other day as I stared up out of the fucking Bell Jar.

So many of the commercials on TV for depression are so fake-ass.

They depict people suffering with depression having the a seemingly mild case of the  “doldrums.”

They never show you what depression really looks like.

I am willing to let a pharmaceutical company hire me for a certain fee, in my own natural habitat.

****

It would look something like this…..

****

Voice over of announcer says, “Depression robs a person of their energy.”

Camera pans to me sitting in the middle of my living room with a mountain of dirty laundry staring at it like the woman from Close Encounters of a Third Kind.  Saying, “I know I should wash you” and then just shaking my head no and finally collapsing back into the cushion flipping it the bird saying “fuck it.”  I am down to one pair of clean panties this is now my “edge play.”

Voice of announcer:  “Depression feels physical.” 

Camera lens catches me waving goodbye to Fuzzy boarding the bus, closing the door.  Moves to the kitchen as I stare at the heaping pile of dishes that has amassed in the sink and repeat “fuck it” as I then head to the bed and proceed to pull the blinds.  (Time elapses)   I rise in my pajamas in a haze as the afternoon the bus pulls up again.

Voice of announcer:  “Depression causes changes in appetite.”

Last scene too fucking easy.  Like a fucking vampire I awake from crypt to sit down to eat a box of girl scout cookies.  Camera fades with me on the couch with said cookies in the middle of the night swearing at the girl scouts for peddling their crack.

*******

Yeah.  Why doesn’t Eli Lilly, Pfizer, or GlaxoSmithKline want to show what real depression looks like?

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5 responses to “I’m a Fucking Marketing Dream

  1. Wait. That’s what depression looks like? You pretty much described my day, minus the kid part. I even ate a whole freaking box of Thin Mints. I have both a mountain of dishes and laundry. I thought I was just fat/lazy. Where do I sign up for the pills that will make me want to wash my dishes and only eat a single serving of cookies at a time?

    • LMFAO. I have pills, just don’t want to take em. The last batch, (when mixed with my epilepsy meds) made me feel like I was on the Houdini ride.
      That’s just what I fucking need right? and he can’t understand why I’m reticent to add that to the med cocktail…. *hugs you in commiseration*
      xo

      p.s. for me it was a box of those “caramel delites” …….f’ing girl scouts

      • I’ve actually been on a variety of different antidepressants over the years. Not one of them ever made me want to wash the dishes or eat in moderation. The different therapists and psychiatrists I was seeing throughout the years used to say, “We just haven’t found the right cocktail yet.”

        After trying out different pills throughout the years (name an antidepressant — I’ve tried it) and always have the same non-results I finally reached the conclusion that I do not have a chemical imbalance. This is part of the reason I am not in therapy any more. I got tired of having therapists pushing pills on me any time I cried. Dear Mental Health Professionals: It’s ok to be sad when you are in the midst of sad circumstances.

        Sorry for the rant. I know a lot of people do have chemical imbalances and that antidepressants are a lifeline for those people. For me, though, trying to fix my problems with a pill was emblematic of my tendency to look for external things to fix me, to fill the void. Instead of looking inside of myself or looking to my higher power.

  2. Crap! Sitting on the couch the ENTIRE day, surrounded by dustbunnies and food trash, watching TV or getting depressed by how much fun everyone else seems to be having on Facebook, while thinking making coffee seems like the biggest chore in the world is depression? I’m claiming denial! I don’t want to back on my “happy pills”!

Go ahead, make my day :)

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