When I was a child and had a nightmare, right at the point where I knew the monster would “get”me, I thought it better to try and befriend the creature.
I believed in doing so, this may spare me from being devoured. I kept the authentic me, hidden from the monster. The facade of being it’s friend, enabled me to survive those long wretched nights.
My childhood was riddled with nightmares. Sadly during my days, I was being hunted by the profane personified.
My nocturnal brain was being wired to learn how cope with the unacceptable.
The first indication I had that he may have been a monster, was the night he asked me to kneel naked in the porcelain tub. He told me this would be fun.
He stood naked next to me. I waited for what seemed to be a long time. I looked up at him. Still waiting. Wondering. Then…..
Right as I asked,” what are we doing?” He urinated in my face; right at my mouth.
He erupted into peels of laughter, over and over again watching me as I spit and grimaced.
I don’t think I have ever tasted anything so acrid in all my life. I hope I never will.
When he could see that I was angry for what he had done, he apologized. I knew it was fake but accepted it anyway.
My acceptance of his fake apology was perhaps the beginning of my courtship, with a real-life monster. One so dark and empty, I could have never imagined.